


Midnight Whisperings

by ninwrites



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec is Shy, Basically A Summary Of The Beginning To Their Relationship, Gen, Healing, Love, M/M, Magnus Is In Love, Romance, Word-Vomity, post City of Bones, reflections
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:34:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus reflects on how his relationship with Alec came to be, and accepts the inevitable truth, something he really should have seen coming from the moment he and Alec locked eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midnight Whisperings

**Author's Note:**

> Set sort of after COB and before/during the first half of COA.
> 
> Title from LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco because I am obsessed with Death Of A Bachelor.

There was something peaceful, something almost calming and ethereal to the presence of night, when the sky was blanketed with constellations and the only light was provided by the glow of the moon. A sense of awe in the knowledge that whilst others were wandering through alternate states of unconsciousness, the stars were whispering their secrets only to you.

Anything that was said once the sun had sunk below the horizon felt like a hidden desire, a wish that had to be spoken in a hushed voice in order to keep the stillness from shattering, never to be revealed under the light of day, because to do so under the harsh rays of the sun would burn away the beauty of nightfall.

It was under the bask of the moonlight shining through his pristine glass windows, on a night that felt gloomier and lonelier than most, that Magnus Bane first allowed himself to admit that he was in love.

Of course, having lived nearly four centuries, he had been in love before.

He had loved from the depths of his heart, he had loved in passing and he had experienced fleeting infatuation disguised as something more, loved with the fierce passion of a fire, and been burned because of it.

But he had never, not once in the seemingly endless years of his life, loved someone as whole-heartedly and painfully as he did Alec Lightwood.

It was entirely the young Nephilim's fault, of course.

Because he just had to waltz into Magnus' party, on a night where Magnus hadn't had nearly enough drinks to deal with whining vampires or arrogant Shadowhunters knocking on his door with an invitation he had no memory of handing out.

Magnus had spotted him, because he was different. Certainly, the bottle-blue eyes that twinkled with so many conflicting emotions had played a part, reminding him of a deliberately forgotten time, the last time he had allowed himself to care for Shadowhunters.

But there was something else, something more, in the way he shrunk back like a wallflower. The way he walked in, obviously uncomfortable but certain in his movements, always watching, always protecting. His eyes flitting across the room, specifically to the dark-haired girl who could be his twin, and the over-confident blonde who was handsome in a way that was irritating because he knew it.

When those caring eyes landed on Clary, the only person Magnus had ever seen grow up from a delighted child to a head-strong, stubborn teenager, his eyes hardened, icy and cold and glaring with a chilling hate.

Magnus had told himself, once he'd left London for New York, that he'd never bother himself with Nephilim or their problems again. And before Alec Lightwood had walked into his loft, he'd only seen more and more proof that his decision had been the right one, for Shadowhunters were only ever concerned about themselves, and always ignorant of others not as 'clean' as them.

He'd helped Shadowhunters since, of course, because business was business, and even though Jocelyn Fairchild was kinder than most, she had always been more concerned with concealing the Shadow World from her daughter's curious eyes.

But then Alec had told him that being a warlock wasn't his fault, that he couldn't be held accountable for who he is, for what he was born as. Half-human, half-demon.

Alec had reminded him, through a soft voice and a shy smile, that he could be more than what he was labelled as.

Which is probably why, when Magnus had been called upon to the Institute to save a Shadowhunter who had been struck by a Greater Demon, against every stubborn bone in his body he had gone.

Although he wasn't certain, he'd suspected that Alec was the one that had been hurt, because Magnus had seen the fiercely protective gleam in his eyes when he'd looked at his parabatai, and his sister. The ones that keep to the shadows were always the ones that got hurt, because they were the forgotten ones, out of the way until their skills were needed, until they jumped in front of the danger.

Blondie was the reckless one, Alec the calculated balance to his actions-without-thought. Magnus knew that Jace wouldn't be alive if it weren't for Alec.

He suspected that they both knew it too.

Isabelle had been distraught and stricken with worry when Magnus had walked into the infirmary, but the sharpness of her gaze bore a hole into him. It was a warning, not to mess with her brother, because if anything else happened to him Magnus would find himself at the recieving end of her snake-like weapon.

It was a warning that Magnus not only heeded, but appreciated.

But then he had seen Alec, as pale as a Silent Brother, shadows under his eyes like bruises, drops of blood sprinkled over his face, his eyes both scarily dull and freakishly blue, and Magnus had felt something inside of him crack.

He wouldn't say his heart, because he didn't even know Alec that well, but it was something very akin to the heartbreak that he had experienced before. Alec had been silent, his breathing shallow and his eyelids drooping, the wounds on his chest almost pulsing.

He'd requested clean washcloths and a bucket of water from Isabelle, and then ordered that the room be emptied. For the sheer intensity of the healing required to help Alec, Magnus knew he would need complete concentration and silence. He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn, not a healer, and it had been years since he'd had to perform such an important spell.

Alec's shirt had already been torn in the middle, not that the scraps of fabric could really be called a shirt anymore. Magnus had sighed, mustering impossible strength, because he knew that doing this would likely wipe him almost unconscious, but he was also determined to save Alec's life.

Or faint trying.

His fingers buzzed with the power surging through him, the soft palm of his hands warming with a centered heat as he placed them on the torn skin of Alec's chest. As soon as the blue sparks touched him, Alec gasped, his eyes widening, pain clear and present in his eyes. That little part in Magnus that had cracked before, shattered a little further, watching Alec in so much pain and knowing that he was the immediate cause of it.

Magnus had known it wouldn't be a walk in the park, for either of them, but he wished that he could do more to ease Alec's hurt, even just a little. In the end, it would all be worth it, for Alec would be alive.

But that didn't make the process any easier to stomach.

"I'm sorry," He'd whispered, as the red sparks had flown between the blue, as he'd worked hard to draw the demonic poison out before it could attatch itself to the inner walls of Alec's veins, before it could do any permanent damage.

He was nowhere near naive enough to believe that false hope whispered between firmly pressed lips would do anything to even slightly relieve the torture that Alec was suffering through.

But staying quiet only felt cruel, and whilst Alec probably wouldn't remember anything once he woke, _if he woke_ , Magnus would.

Alec's response came in the form of a low and almost guttural moan, that only steeled Magnus' determination to fix what the bastard demon had done. His frustration became overwhelming, because as soon as he'd managed to stitch the tears enough for any hope to heal over, they would split apart and the blood would ooze and the stone of guilt in Magnus' stomach sunk further.

"I'm gonna fix this," He promised Alec, his words falling on deaf ears.

"You'll be returned to your excitingly beautiful self in no time."

Magnus had thought he'd seen a spark of recognition, and surprise, in Alec's bright eyes - although he'd probably just imagined it, constructed it as a wishful sign of Alec's improved health status.

Strangely, his mind flew straight to the party where they met, when Alec was leaving, and despite being more than simply fed up with irritating Nephilim and their problems, he'd found himself almost disappointed that the pretty blue-eyed one was going too.

 _"Call me."_ He'd called out, and once he realised what he'd said, the fact that Alec probably wouldn't call him sunk in. It hadn't been something he'd minded, lovers came and went, as did attractive people. It had been a fleeting comment, and that's all it would stay.

And yet there he was, healing the very Shadowhunter who'd smiled bashfully at him, and who'd within minutes of meeting, proven himself to be one of the few 'good guys' who acknowledged Magnus as more than just a demon's offspring.

Without being too hopeful, he entertained the idea that maybe there would be a chance for him. Maybe Alec was attracted to him too. Admittedly, he was obviously painfully closeted, and very much in love with the arrogant blonde one, but maybe that wouldn't matter.

Magnus shook his head and concentrated his focus. He felt the poison drawing closer to the surface of Alec's wounds, and he poured everything he could into pulling it out. Once he had the poison out, he could dissipate it and fix the rest of Alec's injuries.

Magnus felt like collapsing onto the nearest bed when he finally managed to drain the poison out. He manipulated it into a writhing, disgusting ball of black goo and sent it to another dimension where it could attatch itself to a living organism that wasn't Alec Lightwood.

But he couldn't afford to collapse. Because Alec was still dancing on the edge of life, Death's bony fingers stretched out to grasp him if Magnus didn't fix it.

"Just a little more," Magnus muttered, his hands burning with the heat from his magic.

Alec's eyelids flickered, and Magnus knew that if they closed they weren't likely going to open again.

"Hold on, just that bit more, please, for me, for your sister and brother..."

Magnus was rambling, as he poured all of the remaining energy inside him through the sparks exploding from the end of his fingertips. He'd never felt this desperate before, never strained his energy and magic in so long that he'd forgotten he even could.

He could see the skin start to slowly stitch together, the way it was in his mind. The skin around it was still red, and painful, but Magnus was sure that with some healing runes it could be fixed.

His main concern was keeping Alec alive.

Alec was still pale, but the colour was slowly returning to his lips, his eyes were returning back to normal - even if he did look _through_ Magnus - and his hands had ceased shaking.

"That's it." Magnus breathed, grateful he wasn't practically talking to a corpse anymore.

Alec's eyes flickered to him, almost as though he'd actually heard Magnus. Magnus offered a smile, and a strange spark lit inside him when Alec returned it, admittedly weak and forced.

Once Alec's wounds were healed over, and Magnus was satisfied they wouldn't snap apart again, he hastily wiped the dried blood from Alec's chest and face, brushing his hair back with the gentle touch of careful fingers.

"You'll be okay now," Magnus promised him, and there was a split-second where the light in Alec's eyes danced.

The second after, Magnus felt his limbs disconnect from his body, his mind switch off, and the world sink into darkness.

* * *

 

There was a warmth seeping into his hand, when Magnus returned to the world of the living. He could feel his magic flowing through him, strong and powerful as an ocean current, and he was more refreshed than he should be - especially as glancing out the stained glass windows revealed that few hours had passed since he fainted.

His eyes scanned the room, still as empty as he had found it, and eventually rested on Alec. It took Magnus a second to realise that Alec was awake, if possibly delirious, and the warmth in his hand was because Alec's calloused fingers had tangled themselves with his own.

The only possibly reason for Magnus' fast recovery was that he and Alec had shared energy, Alec had either willingly given it to him or somehow Magnus had unconsciously taken it.

Preferring to accept that they were both okay regardless of the details, Magnus studied the pale expanse of skin beneath Alec's torn rags of a shirt. The claw wounds had healed, the skin still red and slightly swollen but better than before. It had already started to scar, thick white lines drawn up his pectoral muscles and sliced across his ribs. The point was, it wasn't bleeding, or open, and Alec was already on his way to making a full recovery.

The colour had begun returning to his cheeks, and although slightly glassy, his eyes were at a much more normal, although still stunningly beautiful cobalt. Alec was quiet, which also meant he wasn't in pain.

Magnus squeezed Alec's hand, purely as a test to see if he had realised what he'd done. Alec squeezed back, but he didn't turn his head. Magnus guessed that Alec must be consciouss but not fully alert.

"I guess you're feeling better then." He said, because he read once, somewhere - or perhaps he heard it from a werewolf or a fae - that people in comas could still process outside noises, and that talking could often help them wake up.

Although Alec wasn't exactly in a coma, he was only slightly responsive, and despite the pain being dulled, Alec couldn't be feeling too comfortable.

Magnus was going to distract Alec in any way he possibly could. If Alec did remember anything, it would probably feel more like a dream than reality. Until Magnus discovered what Alec's position on their potential relationship was, he had little other choice.

"I'm sorry for taking your strength. I promise I didn't mean it - healing you took a lot out of me. It's an area of magic I only rarely dabble in. Though it was all worth it, in the end."

Alec's lips spread slowly into a gentle smile, and his eyelids were fluttering closed. He looked calm, and at peace, protected from all the usual terrors he experienced in his daily life.

Magnus ignored the blossom of feeling inside his chest, because he refused to allow himself to acknowledge any affection towards the Shadowhunter. He'd come here to do a job, and he couldn't let how adorable he found Alec to impact him - there were very few Nephilim who treated him like anything but a service provider, and although Alec had, there were still others to worry about.

He couldn't allow himself to forget what he'd been reminded of time after time.

Shadowhunters took whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, and that was it. They didn't care about Downworlder feelings, or about Downworlders themselves at all, and once they got what they wanted they had no need nor respect for manners.

Even if Alec felt different, even if Alec had treated him as kinder than others usually did.

That didn't mean that he was different.

* * *

 

Alec flittered in and out of conscioussness, occasionally writhing in either pain or memories twisted into nightmares. When it hit the worst, when his forehead was scrunched and his breaths fast and short, his hand would tighten in Magnus'. Not hard enough to break bone or leave bruises, although Magnus was certain he had the potential to do both.

Magnus always squeezed back, and even if he had the chance to remove his hand, he wouldn't. Alec obviously needed something to comfort him, to ground him, for the night at least, and Magnus wasn't cruel enough to take that away from him.

No matter how muddled his feelings for the young Shadowhunter were.

He took a moment, when Alec appeared relatively calm, to open the door. With a swish of his hand, of course, although even such a small surge of magic could have proved bad for his health, it thankfully had little effect on him. He was still incredibly exhausted, but he'd decided to stay by Alec's side for the night, and that's what he was going to do.

Hopefully, it wouldn't kill him.

As soon as the door was opened, a blur of inky hair and clicking heels burst into the room. Magnus had barely turned his head to see who it was before Alec's sister was standing on the opposite side of the bed to Magnus.

"How is he?" She demanded, not unkindly, just concerned.

"Alive." Magnus replied, honestly.

"I've managed to draw the poison out - it was hit and miss for a while, but he's managed to pull through, and I'm mostly certain he'll be okay. He's a tough cookie."

"He's the strongest person I know." Isabelle whispered, lowering herself onto a chair, her hand immediately reaching out for Alec's other hand.

"You'll need to keep an eye on him, for the next few days at least. He should be okay, but it's quite likely he'll feel a little weakened. Although, he is also a shadowhunter, and you lot seem to be irritatingly stubborn when it comes to your lives and your health."

"We have to be." Isabelle said, and then she looked over at him, her eyes wide and a little surprised.

"I know you didn't have to do this," She said, her gaze hardening just as quickly as it had softened.

"And I'm grateful. But you don't have to stay here if you don't want to."

She spoke her next words with her eyes locked on the sleeping figure of her brother. "These chairs aren't exactly comfortable, and you must be exhausted yourself."

"I'll stay." Magnus responded, instantly, before he realised what he'd said.

Isabelle looked up, and Magnus pressed his lips firmly together.

"There's no point going home and then being called back here. I'd rather stay until he's awake and I know that I can sleep for three whole days, if I so desire, completely uninterrupted."

"Fair enough." Isabelle said, turning back to Alec.

Magnus slumped slightly in his chair, allowing the exhaustion to wash over him in waves.

"You can sleep now though, if you'd like. There's no way I'm leaving, and you look very close to passing out." Isabelle said softly, the kind interior she usually kept locked away peeking through like sunlight through blinds.

"I appreciate the offer, but won't you need sleep yourself?" Magnus inquired, fighting the urge to let his eyelids close.

"Probably. But I can't see myself falling asleep until he's awake. And it's not really fair for both of us to be sleep-deprived." Isabelle admitted. She smiled, in her own way, where the corners of her mouth quirked slightly, and something shined in her midnight eyes.

"Thank you." Magnus smiled tiredly in gratitude, and before he knew it, the world turned black and everything else just dropped away.

* * *

 

Of course, when Magnus had woken up, he hadn't been the only one awake. After an awkward but charming conversation with Alec and a surprisingly pleasent interaction with Isabelle, he practically dashed from the building, because he didn't want to run into any undesirable situations with any other Nephilim folk.

He'd gone home, changed into his old and faded cotton pajama set, because he was after comfort and not fashion this time, and he'd slept for fourteen hours.

A few days later Alec had come over and thanked him for his service, and Magnus had promptly asked him out on a date. Because dates were, in his educated opinion, fun and non-committal.

But somewhere along the way, Magnus had lost his mind - because Alec was being unfairly adorable and completely sincere - and he'd kissed Alec, hard and fast and passionate, and Alec had held onto him, and something inside of Magnus had woken up.

He wasn't a shell of a person, he wasn't a lost soul anymore. He was human and Alec had been the spark he'd needed to pull him from the brink of internal death and fossilisation.

And although their date had started as a complete disaster, it had also given Magnus a chance to see the kinder side of Alec, the graceful shadowhunter who took Downworlders as more than just Nephilim tools. And they had kissed hard enough to take Magnus' breath away, light his blood on fire and weaken him in the knees.

And although Alec had been startled, taking the first big step in a relationship was a scary thing, he'd still wanted another date, and Magnus had felt himself already spiralling into the depths of love.

Now here he was, a few amazing and confusing and sometimes frustrating months later, reliving the moments that had led up to him realising he was in love with Alec. It was a hard, stone cold fact. Which only made it harder for him to admit it to himself.

Because he'd loved shadowhunters before, from a distance, in a slightly alternative sense. Will Herondale, his children Lucie and James, poor James, not to mention Anna Lightwood and her admirable outlook on the world. Others here and there who had treated him with more respect than other Nephilim had deemed acceptable.

But he had loved none like he did Alec. And that was a terrifying thought.

Magnus had loved before, he'd loved and lost and been abused because of it, but with Alec it all felt different. With Alec it was fresh and new and exciting, it was unpredictable and he could feel himself evolving into a new him, a better him.

Alec was like fresh air on a summer's day, he was a new bespoke coat, he was made up of more energy and magic than Magnus himself was. Alec was unlike anyone Magnus had ever known, he was blunt and caring but also sensitive and vulnerable, wearing his heart on his sleeve like he did the runes on his skin.

And he saw Magnus for who he was. Not as a warlock, not spawn of a demon, not as a Downworlder. Just, as him. As Magnus Bane, cat-lover and tv-show-obsessor.

He treated Magnus like very few did, better than he did himself, and that was a torturous thought to have, to accept.

Because Alexander was a gem, a jewel hidden inside a meteorite, and although it had taken Magnus a while to chip away, he'd found the treasure inside and he was more valuable than any object he could ever own.

Magnus knew that he would end up telling Alec about his hidden affections, most likely sooner than later, because he'd always been the kind of person who couldn't keep important things to himself for very long.

He only hoped that Alec felt the same, and was strong enough to admit it aloud.

**Author's Note:**

> This honestly came about because I liked 'Midnight Whisperings' as a title. Don't be surprised if I post more Malec inspire by Panic! songs, though.


End file.
